JUMPSUITS AND MY SHADOW MAN




I keep telling myself that I have enough clothes and that I should just save my money for quality pieces and then I find items like this cute little jumpsuit. It was cheap and cheerful and I know that I will wear it a lot because as much as I love little skirts, I love the freedom of not having to check that my legs are shut every five seconds. What can I say, I'm a real lady.

The mark on my leg is a scar from before Christmas, when I burnt my leg by falling asleep on a hot water bottle. Don't ask. I've been berated a thousand times over for the idiocy of it, but I was completely drugged up on over-the-counter flu medication at the time, and I was convinced that I was dying of the swine flu.

Otherwise, I am reading some of the last works of Foucault on what he calls 'Technologies of the Self' and I am completely absorbed in it. I have a feeling I will be sharing a lot of his philosophies on this little blog, as he deals with many of the things that I reflect upon (in a much more eloquent and intelligent manner). I just need to get a real feel for the material before I start rattling off the things that I've read.

Spring has Sprung, and it's around that time of the year when everyone begins to fall madly in love. I am anticipating a heady rush of lovers fawning over each other in the sunshine while I curse under my breath. It has already started, as people around me are falling in love that I never expected would. Don't they know that this is how babies are made?! I have luckily been impervious to this temporary madness as I have taken great precautions to protect myself from it throughout the years. :) Just kidding (kind of). You know, deep down inside I'm a real softie but I've learnt to reserve that softness for someone who can earn my trust.

Until then, my lover's name is Foucault.


[Michel Foucault]

LONDON NIGHTS, MANILA GIRLS




An amazingly fun night with my beautiful friend Ruffa. The pictures are from when she was here a few weeks ago, aren't they just dreamy? I have a great b&w shot of her as well which I will post as soon as I find the high-reso. PS: By the way, If you haven't caught this on Twitter, I will be making my way to Manila for a few weeks in April, and then I am most probably moving back to Oslo for a while in May, just in time for the Norwegian National Holiday. I'm really excited.


Song - Non je ne regrette rien, Edith Piaf

CHEAP AS CHIPS

I've been getting several incredible emails asking me to write more, like I used to, and I guess I've been an emotional little girl lately, because they've really filled my heart to the brim. Thank you. It's strange because this blog has always been a bit of a show, thus the name. One side of my life has been placed out there for the world to see, like a well-edited reality show in pictures and prose... and another side of my life has never surfaced. People may scoff when I write this - but I am an incredibly private person. The paradox of all of this has always been my blog. In order to make sense of it all, you just have to realize how much I don't share. I know that this little corner of my life has an expiry date, but that's ok. There's a beauty in that. I also know that I've lived my life in cycles and circles and I've done a lot of running away. It has made me realize that life goes by way too quickly nowadays... It's a little frightening. Friends and family are passing away, falling in love, falling sick and falling apart. Others are making new lives for themselves and trying things over. People are settling down, having children, divorcing, dealing with jobs and commitments, others are vowing to never settle down. People are choosing to be 'good' people or 'bad' people, whatever that means. I've always just kind of taken a step back and watched with curious eyes. It's a complicated concept but I don't think we ever grow 'up'. I think we just grow calm. I've realized that I've had a hard time loving people in my life for exactly who they are, and it has made me an unhappy person at times. I've come to the conclusion that If I'm looking at a person in my life and I'm wishing that that person is different - then I'm not exactly loving that person - I'm trying to love an illusion of that person that doesn't exist. I think that one of the biggest challenges that I've had to deal with in my life is finding those illusions that I've made in my head and letting them go. At this point, I know that when I love someone, I try to love them for exactly who they are, and at this point, it's the only real thing that I can ever give someone. All the other stuff is fluff, it doesn't matter.

I guess the whole point that I am trying to make, in an attempt to come full circle with this, is that this blog is an illusion. It's a beautiful fantasy that doesn't exist albeit in an electronic network of images and words. It's not real life, it's my 'underground'. I've had an endless fascination with all things beautiful since I was a little girl and that isn't going to change. I know that whatever life I lead, wherever I end up, and whatever circumstances that I end up in... my life will beautiful. All I can say at this point is: thank you for enjoying the show.

PS: **Outfit post, soon, promise.





PHOTO DIARY - LONDON, SPRING

My boyfriend. He purses his lips at me lasciviously every time I come home. I kinda dig it.

My view during my ciggie/sunshine breaks.


My Parisian housemate Juliette


The writing nook.



Anouk




NATHALIE, BLONDE III






London isn't half bad when the sun is shining! My Norwegian housemate is back to her roots - blonde, and she is giving me the sads because she is planning to move back to beautiful Norway. There's really nothing keeping me here anymore, so I may just follow her. That is, if it ever stops snowing over there. She wears vintage so well, doesn't she?

THE TEMPERATURE'S JUST ALL WRONG, MAN.


The temperature is just all wrong for me right now. I need air that kisses your skin with moisture, I need a dewy cocktail in my hand. I need music like the music below and a tentative dance with a beguiling shadow. I need to feel dizzy from the warmth, from the music, from my drink. This weather just isn't conducive to love, to passion, is it? All I see is dark buildings and hunched figures. Tense bodies lining up for public transport, queuing up at the grocery stores, in the banks. Worst of all - unfeeling, cold, dispassionate people. What happened to love? To emotions? I sometimes wonder what I am doing here. My heroines run away to warmer places and never come back. Leonora Carrington fled from England to Paris, from Paris to Spain, and finally from Spain onwards to Mexico, leaving a broken heart, a weakened mental state (she fled from a mental asylum) and the first World War. She was always nostalgic for England, but she never returned. Sometimes I wonder what keeps me here. I have no responsibilities, no great love, no commitments.



Song: Buena Vista Social Club - Chan Chan


TWO THINGS


1. Thank you WildCat for the write-up!

2. I have just realized that my email hasn't been working as it should... and that it hasn't been working for quite a few weeks!! I'm so sad at all the potential lovely e-mails that I have missed. So I've changed my email and if there is ANYTHING you would have liked to ask or let me know about in the past few weeks then hit me up at: theshowmanshipblog@gmail.com






THE BRIDE OF THE WIND


"Who is the Bride of the Wind? Does she know how to read? Does she know how to write in French without making mistakes? By what wood does she warm herself? She warms herself by means of her intense life, by her mystery, by her poetry."

- Max Ernst, introducting his lover and muse Leonora Carrington in the foreword of her first
published short story,
La Maison de la Peur



I've had so much to do lately, and I've responded by staring at the wall, day-dreaming, self-coloring highlights into my hair (a la Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffanys), and staring at my fingernails. Productive. Here's another feather-thing that I've added to my collection - I usually wear it as a belt. Maybe I like the symbolism in feathers, or maybe they're just pretty.



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